just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
