the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
