Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
