I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Let's paint friendship bongs
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
