U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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