Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
