Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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