Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you traded sex for a burrito?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
