At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I miss vodka workout Fridays
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
