sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
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