I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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