This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
