I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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