I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
