I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
When did angry sex become our thing?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
