I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
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His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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