I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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