Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
