Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
