Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
