you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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