My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
