Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
