I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
