If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
