Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
