I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
