so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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