if i can run in heels then i can drive
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
