DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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