The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
