he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
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its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
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We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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