based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
