I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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