come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize