what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
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