why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The struggles of a small town man whore
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
