I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
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She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
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Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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