she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
