so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
So. Much. Porn.
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