I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
