I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
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we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
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You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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