Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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