I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
