Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
