Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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