I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
