Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize