:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
