got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
