you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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