apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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