i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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