I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
