So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
