There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
