so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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