i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
