I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
