Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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