I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
