I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
