Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
