I can tuck mytits in my pants
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
