I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
