It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just want to make out with him forever
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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