I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
