there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
God I need to hump something, right now.
I have post one night stand depression
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