it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
