you win again, gameday.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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